In the meantime, I want to give you a hand in making your resolution as powerful and effective as possible.

I know you’re expecting to learn something positive here. And so you shall. But first, let’s get one thing out of the way. And that’s a big THUMBS DOWN for a classic technique:

AFFIRMATIONS DON’T WORK.

Well, to be fair, I mean to say that most affirmations don’t work.

When I first started my practice, someone suggested I keep repeating to myself, affirmations of success. I tried for a whole day: “I’m a wealthy therapist. I’m rich. I’m successful.” By the end of the day, did I believe I was rich? No, I thought, “there’s a moron chanting in my head!”

If we repeat over and over again things we don’t believe, we simply learn not to trust ourselves. No wonder why we don’t feel confident.  Never lie to yourself again. There’s a better way. To me, affirmations are those unexamined, cheerful, generic slogans people want you to paste on your mirror. A poweful suggestion is a secret message that could only be given to you by you.

SUCCESSFUL SUGGESTIONS use these SIX HANDY SECRETS

I follow the rule of thumb: use images that are easy to remember.  And it’s a metaphor! Enjoy:

Handy Secrets of Suggestion

The THUMB (our opposable digit) makes things POSSIBLE.

Your resolution must not only BE possible; you must BELIEVE it is possible. If you were to resolve, for example, to become the next president of the United States and were not already in the primaries, that’s a poor choice. (If you are in the primaries and reading this, call. I can help!)

What about resolving to lose 50 pounds? If that takes you below where you’ve ever been comfortable, it might physically be possible but not seem so to your stubborn inner mind.

Keep your mind a credible source of information by making believable, possible goals. You can do that in several ways – put it out in the future: “By my next birthday, I am slender and strong, a perfect size 12.” Or make it incremental, “Every week, I shed one pound of excess fat,” “Every day I become more slender and strong.” Or make it a process goal, “Every day, I satisfy myself with healthy, delicious food and enjoy exercising.”

[Note in the “Be Real” department: For the entire first draft of this post, my resolution example was “a perfect size 10.” But this is MY resolution, this year, to take my fitness to the next level. And I’m a size 14/16 now. I know size 10 is possible. But I’ve never been that size, except perhaps for a week in the last century. So despite living in LA where people actually wear size “Zero,” I’m going for a goal that is credible to me!]

The INDEX FINGER makes things PRECISE, as it points exactly where you want to go.

Without a real target, you don’t have a goal, you just have an idea. If someone resolves to lose “some” weight, they might be done after just one pound. Health professionals usually recommend a goal of size rather than weight anyway, as converting fat to muscle can make a slim size heavier than you think. “By my next birthday, I’m slender and strong, a perfect size 12.”

The MIDDLE FINGER gives a POWERFUL signal.

Want to stick with your goal? Make it matter. I’ve had clients come in who want to give up smoking because they “should.” hmm. One who made it recently? He had a powerful desire to have more stamina at his martial arts classes. And me? “slender and strong” sounds great – and counteracts any leftover misgivings I have about feeling vulnerable as a whispy little skinny girl.

The RING FINGER is an indicator of your PRESENT Status.

Even if your goal is future (By the time I’m 40) the suggestion needs to be in the present tense. “My lungs are powerful and so am I.” Repeating to yourself that “I WILL BE slender” reinforces the notion that you ARE NOT. Use your suggestion or affirmation to take yourself into your choice of possible futures.

A good suggestion is a mini-mental rehearsal. When you imagine, sense and feel, “I AM slender and strong,” you actually create a memory. Your body and subconscious sense that inevitability and begin doing now what is necessary to get from here to there.

The LITTLE FINGER, or “I” in sign language, makes things PERSONAL.

You already know this, but you can only improve your own self. Who is slender and strong? Whose lungs are powerful? If your self-suggestion depends on other people, you’re giving away your power: “The band practices brilliantly every day,” or “My kids appreciate me.”

And a good suggestion is personal in the sense of being uniquely yours. “Get healthy” is not only imprecise, it’s impersonal. “Have stamina to blast through my martial arts class,” is personal. Your powerful suggestion is likely to be different from mine — and that’s a good thing!

Finally, back to the THUMB for POSITIVE Thumbs up sign.

When we process language, we hear the action words and specific nouns…. It’s a bit like a search-engine, skipping over boring words like “and,” “don’t” and “not.” So repeating over an over again, “Do NOT eat too much,” sounds to the inner mind like, “blah blah Eat Too Much.” Programming the NO is like when a worried parent at the playground calls out, “Don’t Fall!” and suddenly the idea of falling takes hold and you can see the child walking along the edge of the wall begin to sway. Better suggestions? “Keep your balance!” “Smaller portions satisfy you.”

Negative language to anyone who is highly suggestible – children, people in shock, get right into the subconscious mind. My favorite is in the movies when someone gets shot and their partner runs over to them as they lie bleeding, shouting, “Don’t die on me!” What? I’m dying? Okay, I guess I’m dying. Better suggestion? “Keep breathing!”

So look over your resolutions. Choose ONE to focus on.  A see what happens when you make it Possible, Precise, Powerful, Present, Personal and Positive.

And let me know how well it goes!

The helmeted driver  peered through my passenger window. Then he darted off toward the car behind me, where the woman driver had her hand up to her ear.

It took a few seconds before I realized he wasn’t a panhandler, but a cop — checking to make sure we drivers were not wielding cell-phones. Had the driver behind me been yacking, rather than scratching, she would be $159 poorer right now.

And had I not made sure to check the best route to my next errand BEFORE I left the last parking structure, I might have been ticketed as well.

So, for all of you drivers who use a cell phone, GPS, or any other distraction while driving, here are a few more thoughts on why it’s a little safer to hold onto the steering wheel while driving, taken from  an article released in 2008 when the hands-free law first came into effect in California.

Hypnotherapist Backs Hands-free Law

As of July 1^st, 2008, California drivers may be ticketed for driving while holding a telephone to their ear and talking.  Some folks thought the law should go further [and the rules now mention texting specifically].

Others were outraged at the rather arbitrary infringement of their right to bear cell phones. They point to other common Los Angeles traffic phenomena, including drivers applying makeup, eating or even turning around to slap kids in the back seat. Why pick on cell users? There are rules generally forbidding “distracted driving”.  Shouldn’t that be enough? Maybe. But as a motorcycle rider, I can tell you first-hand, things have gotten a lot more risky since so many people began using GPS, MP3 players and smartphones

As a hypnotherapist, I have another  perspective on hands-free rules:  When you’re driving, you are already multi-tasking. You’re steering a large piece of machinery; you’re scanning your mirrors; you’re watching out for the speeders, for pieces of debris blowing off trucks, for lane-splitting motorcycles and so on.

Drivers need to have both hands on the wheel is because that position is an anchor, a physical reminder that they’re driving. Even if you’re chatting away, if your hands are at the 10 o’clock and 2 o’clock positions, you feel like you’re driving.

On the other hand, if you’re driving with one hand and the other hand is up to your ear, you’re in a position that signals you to focus on conversation.

Linking mental ideas and suggestions with physical gestures is a natural process that hypnotherapists recognize and help clients use. And although you might not have thought of it before, safe driving is a topic that often comes up in a hypnotherapy session. At the end of a hypnosis experience, when a client has just emerged from a state of heightened focus and suggestibility, it’s important to get the brain and the body back into the present moment.   When clients leave the Voss Hypnotics office in Eagle Rock, I  usually suggest they take a quick walk around their car before getting in and driving.

“I’m right off the Pasadena Freeway,” I explained recently. “My clients drive here, then they experience hypnosis, which often puts them in a deeply relaxed state. It’s great for healing and for changing old behavior patterns, but highway hypnosis is something we try to avoid.”

Frankly, I use the headset all the time because it’s safer and also because of my mom. The thought of me trying to drive and hold the phone has always made her incredibly nervous. I had to admit she was right, and years ago we made a deal: I can call her from the road if I have both hands on the wheel.

But if a nervous mom is not enough of a reason, just think of all the good you can do with the $159 you just saved!

    Are you richer or poorer than you thought?

I wondered how many of us would know, without looking it up, which minimum income would propel a family into the top 25% of  American households:

$100,000?  $80,000?  $200,000.  Most of you knew the answer – a mere $80k puts you in the top quarter of households.

In case you were wondering, the US Census data show that in 2006 the median income was $49,000 – meaning if your family income was $50k, you were in the wealthier half of the country. At $65k, you’re in the top 33%. I don’t know that many folks with that income who actually think of themselves as rich – but there it is.  Income of $100,000 put your household in the top 15% — and if the household income is $200k or more, you’re in the top 3%.

But here’s the reason I’m writing, today.  I’d like to share a way that those of us lucky enough to live in a properous land can share the wealth with others – no matter how we measure up in terms of income. Anyone with an internet connection can donate without spending a penny!

All you have to do is click on one website daily. No purchase necessary. Set your sites toward: www.thehungersite.com (and you just might want to make it your home page).

The Hunger Site allows you to click once daily, and for each click it donates a cup of food via Mercy Corps and Millennium Promise worldwide, and through Feeding America (formerly America’s Second Harvest) to food banks throughout the United States.

The Hunger Site swears that 100% of sponsor advertising fees goes to their charitable partners.

Since its founding in 1999, more than 328 million visitors have clicked to give more than 25,000 metric tons of food (that’s more than 447 million cups of food!) to the world’s hungry via a simple and free daily click.

The site also hooks you up with daily donations to other organizations:  You can click for Breaast Cancer and Literacy charities, among other.

If you feel even richer than you thought you were, you can do a little shopping at The Hunger Site store. Many of their products are Fair Trade – some are perfect for your inner Hippie.

As a hypnotherapist, I help people find different ways to feel better about themselves. Sometimes that means realizing that they’re pretty decent people inside and let go of negative self –talk. But sometimes the easiest way to feel like you’re a good person is just to do something generous.

Happy Tax Day!  And if you enjoy feeling good, share the wealth with our new SHARE button below.

So, I’ve been doing the various things one does to cheer up. Sleep. A little too much television. Exercise (occasionally). Sometimes food (although I’m happy to say that’s rarely the thing I reach for — perhaps there’s something to this whole hypnosis thing!)

This WIZARD has nothing to do with hypnosis!

This weekend, though, I did something that made me happier than I’ve felt in a very longtime:  I attended a weekend seminar. That’s right — two and a half days of sitting in a hotel seminar room, alternately too cold and too hot, and suddenly I’m raring to go again.

It helps that this was the best conference I’ve ever attended:  The National Guild of Hypnotists sponsored ten talks, ranging from “Winning with Post-Traumatic Stress” to “Mastering Age Regression” and “Non-Verbal Hypnosis.”  I gleaned something valuable from each speaker (even the guy who has visited Atlantis).

But you don’t need hypnosis to encourage you to accept the underlying suggestion here — which is that active learning not only stretches your mind, it actually triggers some of the chemical changes that create positive emotions.

This has been put much more elegantly before — in a quotation I’ve been carrying around since my friend Jane recommended, many moons ago, that I visit a place every bit as wonderful as Atlantis.

Whenever the dark hovers over you, I hope you enjoy this passage, set in the Camelot of The Once And Future King by T.H. White:

“’The best thing for being sad,’ replied Merlyn, beginning to puff and blow, ‘is to learn something.

“That is the only thing that never fails. You may grow old and trembling in your anatomies, you may lie awake at night listening to the disorder of your veins, you may miss your only love, you may see the world about you devastated by evil lunatics, or know your honour trampled in the sewers of baser minds. There is only one thing for it then – to learn.

“Learn why the world wags and what wags it. That is the only thing which the mind can never exhaust, never alienate never be tortured by, never fear or distrust and never dream of regretting. Learning is the thing for you. Look at what a lot of things there are to learn – pure science, the only purity there is. You can learn astronomy in a lifetime, natural history in three, literature in six. And then after you have exhausted a milliard lifetimes in biology and medicine and theocriticism and geography and history and economics – why, you can start to make a cartwheel our of the appropriate wood, or spend fifty years learning to begin to learn to beat your adversary at fencing.

“After that you can start again on the mathematics, until it is time to learn to plough.’”

I’d also like to let you know that it works. In the essay, I imagine myself at Thanksgiving, 2010,  grateful for having been able to share my training, experience and empathy with clients dealing with anxiety.

And it’s come true!    Over the past twelve months I have, indeed, had the privilege of helping  people:

become more confident at school and work

board planes without freaking out

survive the end of their marriages

conquer their fears to give birth in comfort and joy

give great job interviews, and much more.

So what would you like to be grateful for next year?

_____________________________________________________

The Second Annual Thanksgiving Essay:

One reason Thanksgiving is such a popular holiday is that it’s hard to argue with the principle of giving thanks for the good in our lives. This year, I’m giving thanks using a technique based on lessons from hypnotherapy. It’s so easy and so productive that I’d like to share it with you. If you find it helpful, pass it on.

Background:

We like to think of the mind as having two areas, the conscious mind (where you think the thoughts you know you’re thinking) and the subconscious (where everything in the background gets processed). The subconscious mind is the seat of both imagination and memory. They work much the same way, recalling images and sensory experiences and linking them by association to other experiences and thoughts.

Much of the success of hypnotherapy comes from the intersection of memory and imagination. Hypnotherapists often use a technique called mental rehearsal. You simply enter a very relaxed, suggestible state and imagine doing the thing you want to do. You may even step ahead and imagine having already accomplished your challenge.

An athlete who came to see me as a client used this technique to win the 2009 U.S national bike racing championship – by the time he rode the race, he had already run the course in his mind, felt his legs pump, trusted his instincts to time his moves against other riders and torn first across the finish line!

Suggestion:

This year, if you’re feeling grateful, why not see what happens when you extend that thankfulness across time? Being thankful for what will happen is like programming your future self — your success becomes inevitable!

Technique:

Find a quiet spot where you’ll have five minutes to yourself. Choose three things to focus on (It doesn’t matter if they’re big or small, as long as they’re specific.) What are you grateful for in the past? In the present? What would you love to be thankful for next year?

First, take three, slow, deep, relaxing belly breaths. Let your eyes close down and relax. Take a moment and focus on your thanks for the past. Really let yourself enjoy the good feeling of having gotten what you truly needed or wanted. Take a good long slow breath and let the warmth of gratitude fill you.

Now take a moment to think of the present. How good it feels to have this person, this luck, this health, this ability – whatever it is you’re thankful for, let the feeling rise up within you and breathe it in. Relish this gratitude. And now simply imagine feeling this happy, this warm, this thankful, in 2011.

Think of it in the present tense: It is 2011 and I AM thankful. Immerse yourself in the sensations of the air on your face, the texture of the chair, the sounds from the room next door and imagine you’re feeling these things again next year. It’s Thanksgiving Day, 2011, and you’re so grateful to have – what? To have quit smoking? Passed the test? Found a partner? Had a healthy baby? Released excess weight?

Let that feeling of gratitude warm you, fill you, embrace you and breathe it in. And that’s it. To really strengthen this programming, you could end each day between now and next Thanksgiving by simply saying a quick, “Thanks for the …..” under your breath as you lie down for sleep.

May all your days be filled with riches deserving your thanks.

(Here’s the ending from last year:

And for me, well, I’m feeling sentimental. So I’ll tell you I’m grateful to my parents for telling me as a child that I was capable of anything. I’m grateful to Bill for (among other things) texting me in the middle of the day just to say he loves me.

And it is 2010 and I AM thankful for …. having had the courage to be honest and authentic about my struggles with anxiety, which has led to mazing opportunities to use hypnosis to help others move past their fears as well.)

This coming year, I’m grateful for you for reading, commenting and sharing these posts and your own experiences.  Thanks again!

Vampire Voss

That’s often how phobias begin — a person is in a state of panic and whatever grabs his attention at that moment gets associated with fear.

Test your Halloween spirit by matching the phobia with its trigger:

These correspond to the FEAR OF:

*

Comment below: if you get them all right without looking anything up, you’ll get a virtual prize and the glory of the game!   Good luck.

Answers posted below.

Keep scrolling.

*

A little bit farther.

*

Deeper down.

More relaxed the more you scroll down.

Making it easier for you to think of the answers.

*

Keep going.

*

Deeper down.

Aha!

1) b,      2) e,     3) d,     4) j,     5) g,     6) h,     7) i,     8) a,     9) f,     10) c

How did you do?  For bonus credit, make up a phobia of your own — most use Greek root words, as “phobia” comes from the Greek for fear, but any word can be phobocized, just as any word can be verbed.

For a more serious discussion of anxiety, which can include phobic reactions, visit VossHypnotics.com. The new website is not quite finalized, so let me know what information would be helpful and I’ll try to include it as soon as possible.

Happy Samhain!

And I have NO idea why the numeral eight is appearing as an emoticon. Boo!

—————————————–

Bill in full Groucho.

That’s what my husband said last week after I counted him up from a relaxing hypnosis session.

I laughed, because I understood what he meant. As a willing victim of my latest career, he’s benefitted from hypnosis sessions. He lost 30 pounds within the first 6 months of my graduating from the Hypnotherapy Academy in Santa Fe. And sometimes he gets to just relax.  If I’d opted for something else, he wouldn’t have this much fun.

On the other hand, I’m not quite sure how his mind jumped to imagining himself stuffed and mounted — it’s not like I ever even thought of taxidermy. I have no idea where that came from.

But I love the way his mind jumps in ways I can’t predict, even after 20 years together.

Just for the record, I’m also glad I’m not a taxidermist.